JEEBUS FRIES!

Mom's coming home today, so that's exciting.

But I won't see her till tonight. Between now and then, I have to go work on a boat, on a gray, rainy, depressing day, with wind and snow falling on the mountaintops. I kinda hope we don't have a lot of people today, because I really don't want to have to talk to anyone if I can help it.

It's amazing the difference the weather can make in your mood. If it was a little brighter out, or not raining, or raining but with patches of sky between the clouds, or not windy...if any one of those elements were missing from the equation, I might feel better. But, as it is, I have decided I hate people and don't want to be around them anymore.

Our 6-hour trip on the boats takes us to look at Columbia Glacier. Technically, in our brochure, it says "Look at the icebergs of Columbia Glacier." We can usually see the glacier itself (unless it's really foggy) but we can't get close to it. When people make their reservations, the office staff tells them, EACH AND EVERY ONE, that we cannot usually get close to the glacier. Normally, the absolute closest we can get is up to the terminal moraine, about 9 miles from the face. This is because of the massive icebergs that break of the glacier. They float forward and get stuck on the moraine, and then all the smaller ice gets packed behind it. Usually, the forebay is literally a field of ice. It is impassable.

The ticket office TELLS people that. And it's been that way for 24 years.

So why do people whine when we can't get to the face of the glacier? Why do they ask if there are OTHER boats in town that DO get to the face?

Do they not SEE the packed ice from the face all the way to the moraine? Of course we can't get to the face, unless we wanted to get out and walk. And, y'know, good luck with that, Douchebag.

Yesterday, we had like 4 people leave nasty comments in the guestbook. "Waste of money," "very disappointed," and "?? Miles to glacier??" My brother heard one lady saying, "They should tell you that you can't get close to the glacier!"

THEY DO. Is it our fault if you don't listen?

I've been meaning to mini-rant about a few things at work that bug me. Yes, it's about customers. Again.

Item 1: In my announcements at the beginning of the trip, I do say that the doors on this particular boat are tricky; some slide open and some push open. I even say, "If you're pulling and pulling on a door, trying to get it to slide, and it doesn't...try pushing on it, because that's been known to work."

So, with that information in mind, when you go to the door by the galley, and you want to get outside, and you are pulling on the door to get it to slide, and it's not sliding...what are your other choices?

A. Pull on it some more.
B. Fiddle with the lock.
C. Stand there and stare at it blankly (straight at the sign above the handle that says "push").
D. Walk away, after deciding you didn't need to get outside to use the head after all.
E. PUSH ON THE BLOODY DOOR.

If you chose any option besides E, I think you've been on the boat before.

Now, sometimes the people who do this are Germans who know no English. That would explain why they didn't understand my announcement and why they couldn't read the sign. I don't know if doors work differently in Germany...maybe they don't have doors that push open. However, as for all the middle-aged Americans who do this, you'd think that by this point in their lives they'd know how to operate a door.

( Glacier Cruise? Alaska? Naw, no coat needed. )

( Young people. So disrespectful. )

( IT'S TIME FOR SOUP NOOOW. )

( QUICK, EVERYONE GO 'EEEEE!' )

Whew. Okay, think I'm good for now. At least till someone else comes along and pisses me off.