(no subject)

[kokopellinelli]

Okay. So.

Since I have not yet found a job (still looking. blarg.) I figured I should at least try to do something with my time.

Since I have a B.A. in English and Writing, presumably that thing should be writing. Anything. Stories, papers, articles. Greeting cards. The problem, y'see, is motivation. And inspiration. Do not be surprised if you someday turn on LiveJournal and see random neural firings from yours truly covering your friends page.

Then again, don't be surprised if you see nothing at all, because it means I've stuck my brain in the microwave to watch it spark and forgotten to take it out again.

I always seem to start a story (one that I think will be very good) and I get a chapter or two into it, then my little brain (the spare one I haven't microwaved) says, "Meh." and the story gets abandoned.

Same thing with pictures. I love to draw. I never finish pictures, because once I've put details on the central figure, the rest seems boring. AND another thing! WHAT IS WITH THIS?? I start sketching, just sketching, thinking, "Just a sketch. So what if it sucks?" Then the sketch turns into a picture. A good one. One I can be proud of. Then I'm like, "EEK. If I keep working on it I will destroy it! It will never be this good again! DO NOT FINISH!" So I don't. And I'm left with a sketchy picture that is really cool but only half done because OMG if I ruin it I shall burn in Heck for all eternity nooooooooooo. Heck is where you go if you didn't kill or rape anyone. Minor crimes, like stealing pencils or picking the flowers in the city park. I learned this from Dilbert.

I really should get out of the house more. I am thinking of going for another walk today, but what if I encounter the pretty giggly teenagers again?

WHY DO I EVEN CARE SO MUCH?? WHAT THE HELL.

I will go walking again today. And if I DO encounter the teenagers again, I will hold up my chin, look straight at them, and smile a friendly, self-confident smile that says, "You're pretty, but I'm wise. I know all the things you know and many you don't. I can smile at you with no sense of insecurity or smugness because I have been where you are, and I got through it okay, and if you notice me this time, you will envy me. Not because I'm better, but because I am happy with me."

They don't have to know I'm jobless and sometimes pathetic. Because I'm working on it. And someday I will actually BELIEVE those things I just said.

Comments

[azazel.livejournal.com]

the trick to drawing is to sketch everything in before working on details. I could go into detail, but I've forgot the rest, I'll look it up when I get home, anyway.

[cvburg.livejournal.com]

This attitude, this one right here:
"You're pretty, but I'm wise. I know all the things you know and many you don't. I can smile at you with no sense of insecurity or smugness because I have been where you are, and I got through it okay, and if you notice me this time, you will envy me. Not because I'm better, but because I am happy with me."
Is pretty much the same attitude I try to get into when I go to work in the summer, and it seems to help a bit, but I'm kind of afraid that it may make me come off as a little mean to the customers. I think that its because I make myself believe that I am above them. I'm still kind of asleep, so these sentences actually represent my brain trying unsuccessfully to boot up.

[kokopellinelli]

Yeah...on the occasions that I can actually affect that attitude, people seem to like me more, but in that way that seems to say "You're so cool...if I don't like you I worry you will toss me overboard so I'm kinda scared of you." And I don't like feeling like people think I'm smug and superior, but when I DON'T have that attitude, they seem to think they can walk all over me.

Chaz, did I ever tell you about the older guy who was on the Beagle last summer? I was greeting people, and this guy came on, saw the splint on my pinky, and said, "Oh, see? You shouldn't have told him no, he'll break the rest of your fingers!" Then he laughed and went into the boat. I was like "Oh NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT TO ME." Actually, I said, ":D" but inside I was fuming. Grody old guy.

[natsaih.livejournal.com]

When I'm not dressing up, I just like to look like a Hobo so the pretty people ignore me or even better, shy away in fear. :D It works really well :D Or, at work, I'm Miss Helpful, but I still won't do things that I don't think the boss would want.

"Someone with a Backbone who Cares" Sorta thing XD

[beowulff.livejournal.com]

If you're worried about messing up a sketch, scan it in and work on it digitally, so you don't have to change the original. Or copy it, and color/draw on the copy - you won't be able to erase anything of the sketch, of course, but you can use it to try out things, try a few different alternatives for areas you had left blank, etc. I used it a couple of times, give it a try :)

[kokopellinelli]

The problem is I never get to the part when I would want to scan and color it. I don't have a scanner anyway. When I get one I might try that. I'm actually thinking about getting a tablet. Ah well. Thanks, Wulffy. ^____^

[beowulff.livejournal.com]

No problem :) And if you can afford it, tablets are indeed a good idea. Then you can work digitally completely and not worry about messing up at all :) (Can you say 'Undo is your friend'?) Of course, if one uses undo too often, one could end up with a very sterile drawing, lacking anything of the spontanuity of a 'real' drawing... Every advantage has its disadvantage, I suppose...

[kokopellinelli]

*practicing* "Undo is your friend. Undo is your friend." That IS easy!