JEEBUS FRIES!

Last night around 5 my smoke alarm started chirping. You know, the noise it makes when it thinks it's running out of batteries? Yeah, that. Every 30 seconds or so..."chirp." "chirp." "chirp." It's annoying and it was driving the dog crazy.

The reason it was so annoying is because I can't reach the smoke alarm. It's on the wall right underneath my vaulted ceiling, which is about 12 feet up. I can't even get close to it if I stand on a chair.

Since my building manager is often in her office until 6 or 7 on weekdays, I put Sum in her leash and we walked over.

I had forgotten that, on Fridays, she's only in her office until noon. I filled out a maintenance slip and put it through the mail slot, resigned to living with the chirping until Monday.

Oddly, the chirping doesn't seem to be regular. It was at first, definitely. Every 30 seconds. Then, after a couple hours, I realized it hadn't chirped in about 15 minutes. Of course, soon after I thought that, it started up its every 30 seconds thing again. For about an hour. Then it started doing it once every 10 minutes or so.

I wasn't really looking forward to trying to sleep with that going on, but we went into the bedroom early last night and closed the door (which we usually don't do). Summer was still sort of freaking out every once in a while, pacing, looking for the beeping ninja and staring at me with her ears back and a look of bewilderment in her eyes.

Around 10:30, I realized there was no more beeping. Summer was curled up on the floor, sleeping soundly, and I decided to put my book aside and fall asleep as well.

At 2am, I was awakened. Not by a beeping, but by something that sounded like slapping and gulping.

It was Summer, violently and constantly licking her nose. She'd stick out her tongue and slap it across her nostrils, making a popping noise. She did it again and again, while standing my bed, panting. Her ears were tucked back but her tail started wagging when she saw me open my eyes, even if my first words were less than comforting: "WHAT? Dammit, really? Seriously??"

I reacted thus because that's what Summer does when she's not feeling well and wants to go outside and eat grass. It usually means she's trying to keep from throwing up.

I stumbled out of bed and put on some pants and a wool shirt, pulled on my down coat and stuck her in her harness, grumbling the whole while. When Sum gets like that, there's nothing to do but let her eat grass. I know it's not really good to let dogs eat grass, but it seems to help her settle her stomach when she gets like that.

We went downstairs and she immediately went at the lawn like a hungry sheep, pulling up tufts of greenery and licking her nose in between. After about 3 minutes, I made her come upstairs.

I tried to get her to drink some water, but she kept going back to the door and staring at it, then looking at me with big eyes. Then she'd lick her nose again. "Mom, this is the noise you have to look forward to if you don't take me out again."

I'm probably a sucker, but I took her back outside. That time we walked around the building, and she was munching on grass the entire way. When we finally got back inside, I crawled back in bed and she stood beside me. She was still licking her nose, but not constantly, so I knew she was feeling better. I ignored her and eventually she lay down on the floor and I heard her sigh. Her nose-slaps were becoming fewer and fewer.

This morning, I woke up to a chirping sound. Summer was sleeping next to me in bed, but she raised her head and looked around; the ninja was back! It chirped a couple more times and then stopped. We fell back asleep.

A couple hours later, we woke up again. The alarm beeped once, then stopped. It hasn't made a sound since, but I'm not expecting it to hold its silence forever. I'm sort of tired, not because I didn't get enough sleep (I overslept way more than is usual for me today!) but because it was interrupted. I'm spending the day trying to do homework. I forgot just how much I dislike homework! This will definitely take more getting used to!

Summer is fine this morning. She ate her dog food with no trouble, drank some water, and has been alternately napping and bugging me to go play with her. My little angel.

Weird dream last night. I was back in school (like...junior high, maybe high school). The building didn't look at all like any school I've ever been to, which is probably why I had such difficulty finding my locker. Actually, in the dream, I knew that I had already graduated and stuff, but I needed to pretend like I was a student again.

At one point, Nina and I were late for lunch because we had to finish up some homework or something, so we got there right before the cafeteria closed. Well, we were trying to find some plates, but all the plates that were out had already been used, except for two. Right before we got them, ALL THESE PEOPLE cut in front of us and took the two plates, leaving Ni and I with none. And I really wanted the self-serve mashed potatoes.

Oh well. We'll just ask the guy behind the counter for plates. What's that you say? The guy behind the counter's an ass? Really?

Yes, he was.

He took that hose thing from the sink and SPRAYED ME WITH IT. I'd never even seen the guy, and I was already angry because it had been a bad day, so I was nearing my breaking point. I sputtered, "Wha..." and he SPRAYED ME AGAIN.

I managed to say, "Look, man. This is a warning. I'm pissy today. I will beat the crap out of you if you d..." and the asshole DID IT AGAIN.

I let out a rebel yell and sprang through the window at him, and did indeed beat the crap out of him. He was crying. It was good.

Nina started shouting (over the cheering of all the other line-people) that there was a teacher coming, so I leapt to my feet and, slipping on spilled gravy, ran off with Ni trailing behind. Luckily, no one in the line or the cafeteria recognized us, so we figured we were home free.

That is, until we realized that the cops had been called.

We camped out in an empty part of the library, and occasionally heard running feet and shouting as teachers and cops followed our trail. Come to think of it...we left a trail of gravy. You'd think they would have found us quicker.

Anyway, I was wracked with guilt and thinking maybe I should turn myself in and go to jail (it didn't cross my mind that a cafeteria brawl wasn't exactly a felony), wondering if I could plead temporary insanity.

Ni convinced me not to, though. "We don't even know if it's you they're looking for.

When we left the building, an old-fashioned constable was climbing the steps to go inside, and he gave us a speculative look, but didn't say anything.

Then, Ni and I were walking on a well-worn trail through sunlit woods, to get back to our houses (though we live about 15 miles from one another). There was a lot of mud in spots, but it was a nice walk, and there were a bunch of other people around, too. As I was walking, I noticed something moving on the ground. It looked like a very tiny cow head, attached to a very tiny cow neck. I knelt down and swiped some of the mud away, and the tiny head and neck were attached to a tiny body, stuck in the mud. It wasn't a cow, either, it was a baby deer. It was very wee (<--look it's my word heee!). I lifted it in my arms and carried it down the trail a little way, and came across a larger deer! I gave the wee deer to the bigger one, and she cleaned the baby, then they both bounded away on a path that had been hidden till now.

The deer stopped and looked back at us, so Ni and I followed them. We were still in the sunlit woods, on a very windy trail. When we came to the end of the trees, there was a gorge in front of us, spanned by a very old, skinny, rickety looking bridge. Ooh, the deer are crossing it! So should we!

So we did.

At one point, we looked up and the deer were gone. We were still on the rickety bridge. In front of us, there was nothing. The bridge was gone. It didn't occur to us that the deer had just fallen off the bridge and died. We figured the bridge must just be invisible, like in a video game. But we still didn't want to try to cross it. But behind us...COPS! They followed us!

And then I woke up because I had to pee.