JEEBUS FRIES!

So, I went downstairs with the dog a while ago so she could wee, and decided to pop into the basement to grab a couple rolls of TP. I noticed an envelope stuck into the crease in the door. That happens sometimes...occasionally, people think we live in the basement or something, despite the simple fact that if they LOOKED TO THEIR LEFT, they would be able to see the bottom of our staircase. The one that leads to our DOOR, and not our BASEMENT.

The letter says that they need one of us to take a survey, and they have to keep coming back and coming back till they've made contact with us. Enclosed is a business card, and we have to call the number on the card and tell them when someone is available to be interviewed. Why the hell they can't do it over the phone, I don't know. The name on the card is a woman my mom knows (and of whom she holds a low opinion, apparently).

Anyway, being a good little citizen, I tried to call the number. A woman answered, sounding drunk off her ASS.

Drunk or Stoned: Hullooooooooooooo? *sounded also like I'd awakened her or something*

Me: ...Hi. Is this Survey Lady's office?

DoS: Nooooooooooooooooo?

Me: O_o Okay. Thanks. Must have the wrong number. Thanks!

DoS: *mumblemoo*

Me: *hangs up* Okay, that lady was drunk or stoned or had paste in her mouth or something.

Mom: Knowing Survey Lady, probably all three. Yeah, see? 4 in the afternoon. Definitely drunk, at least.

We look up the number in the phone book, and see that while it's not Survey Lady's office, it is her HOME number. Wouldn't you think that DoS would have informed me of that? Or am I being naive?

Anyway, I called the number again and this time just asked to speak to Survey Lady.

DoS: She ain't here right now.

Me: Do you know when she'll be back?

DoS: mumbleLittlewhilemumble.

Me: ...Okay. Thanks. *hangs up* WHY THE FUCK TO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE WEIRD? If you want me to CALL you, STOP BEING FUCKING WEIRD.

Mom: *proceeds to tell me a long involved story about how Survey Lady's father was someone respectable, and Survey Lady herself used to be a beautiful girl, and then her mother ran off with some guy and broke up his marriage, and his wife talked about that little whore breaking up a marriage and then SHE went and had an affair with some OTHER guy and broke up HIS marriage...then that circled back to Survey Lady and how she's now an anorexic with bad teeth and many children and "if any of them are old enough, they're sure to be fucking. Sorry dear."*

Me: What the hell is wrong with the people in this town?

001. How many keys are on your keychain?
~ Car key, house key, post office key. So 3.

002. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis?
~ On those rare occasions when I'm going somewhere anyone would care if I'm wearing makeup, a little eyeshadow and a little lip gloss.

003. Is your AIM away message on?
~ Nope.

004. If you could eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
~ Pepperoni, mushroom, and bell pepper pizza with stuffed crust.

005. What curse word do you use the most?
~ Shit, I guess.

006. Do you own an iPod?
~ Nope.

007. Who on your Myspace "Top 8" do you talk to the most?
~ Hm. I don't actually talk to anyone THROUGH Myspace, but I talk to most of the people on my list at least weekly, if not daily.

008. What time is your alarm clock set for?
~ 5:45 AM.

009. How many suitcases do you own?
~ I just use mom's.

010. Do you wear flip-flops even when its cold outside?
~ Cold, yes. Wet or snowy, no.

011. Where do you buy your groceries from?
~ Eagle.

012. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
~ I'd rather take it.

013. What was the last movie you watched?
~ Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck.

014. Do any of your friends have children?
~ Yep.

015. If you won the lottery, whats the first thing you would buy?
~ Probably dinner for all my friends and family.

016. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
~ Other than myself? Not sure.

017. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
~ Nope.

018. What CD is currently in your CD player?
~ Big&Rich, probably.

019. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
~ Chocolate just for drinking, regular for putting on cereal and dipping cookies in and stuff.

020. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
~ Don't think so.

021. When was the last time someone hit on you?
~ Like, a jillion years ago when the old drunk guys from the hotel saw me.

022. Do you wear hoodies often?
~ Yep. I love my blue hoodie.

023. What color hair do you have?
~ Brown.

024. Can you whistle?
~ Yep.

025. What is the first thing you see when you look to your left?
~ Summer.

026. Do you make your own jewelry?
~ No.

027. Have you ever participated in a protest?
~ No.

028. Who was the last person to call you?
~ Bunka.

029. What is your favorite ride at an amusement park?
~ Ferris Wheel.

030. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
~ Doubt it, but maybe.

031. Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
~ No.

032. What area code are you in right now?
~ 907

033. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
~ Of course.

034. How big is your local mall?
~ Nonexistant.

035. What is your job title?
~ *mumblebabysittermumble*

036. How many siblings do you have?
~ One younger brother.

037. Have you ever been so drunk that you threw up?
~ No.

038. Are you shy around the opposite sex?
~ Oooooh, yeah. I'm a total spaz, actually.

039. What is your biggest regret?
~ That I'm such a huge procrastinator?

040. Have you ever had Jamba Juice?
~ Dunno.

041. When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt?
~ Not recently.

042. Favorite movie?
~ Aww, I have lots of favorite movies. But I can watch the most recent Phantom of the Opera over and over again.

043. Do you own any band t-shirts?
~ No.

044. What is your favorite candle scent?
~ Something not flowery, like maybe citrus or sage or something. Or vanilla. Yeah.

045. How many aunts and uncles do you have?
~ Okay...one, two, three, four, ...twelve... Twelve, maybe.

046. When was your last plane ride?
~ December.

047. Have you ever eaten snow?
~ Yeah.

048. How many chairs are at your dining room table?
~ Two, at the moment. The other ones broke.

049. What is your favorite salad dressing?
~ Bleu cheese.

050. Do you read for fun?
~ Of course. I DON'T read to think or be depressed or cry.

051. Can you speak any languages other than English?
~ I sorta know French.

052. Where is your cell phone?
~ In my purse.

053. Do you do your own dishes?
~ Sometimes.

054. What color is your bedroom painted?
~ It's fake wood paneling with posters and stuff hanging all over it.

055. Are your parents divorced?
~ Nope, if dad was still alive they'd still be together.

056. Have you ever cried in public?
~ Probably, but not for years.

057. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
~ Desktop.

058. Which do you make: wishes or plans?
~ Wishes.

059. Are you always trying to learn new things?
~ Yep.

060. what messenger programs do you have?
~ MSN.

061. Do you shower on a daily basis?
~ Most of the time.

062. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
~ I've been sorta wishing I could get my ears pierced for the 3rd time, not in 3 places, but in the lobes, and maybe the holes would actually heal this time. But I don't know.

063. Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
~ I think that whoever asked the other person out should pay.

064. Can you skip rocks?
~ Yep.

065. Have you ever been to Jamaica?
~ Nope.

066. What do you like to snack on at the movie theatres?
~ Sour Patch Kids and popcorn.

067. Who was your favorite teacher?
~ Mrs. Strang. Yes, even years later.

068. Have you ever dated someone out of your race?
~ I've never dated anyone, period. Shh.

069. What is the weather like?
~ Oddly enough, it's sunny right now. Damn dirty lying weather forecast.

070. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
~ I know it sounds trite, but it depends on the personality and sense of humor and intelligence that would matter, not how many tats he has or doesn't have.

071. Do you have an online journal?
~ Nope. Duh.

072. Did you ever play Capture the Flag in school?
~ Yeah, in gym class.

073. What is/was your favorite time of day?
~ Evening.

074. Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes?
~ If the weather is good for it, I don't hate it.

075. What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
~ I'm vascillating between intelligence and sense of humor. Both?

076. Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
~ If I'm attracted to them, they're not unattractive to me, are they?

077. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
~ I sleep on a very thin mattress on the floor, does that count?

078. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
~ Blackberry merlot.

079. Does your closest Starbucks have a drive-thru?
~ I'm pretty sure my closest Starbucks is like 300 miles away.

080. Do you like your living arrangement?
~ I live with my mom. I like it but I'm not going to stay any longer than I have to.

081. Has anyone ever called you spoiled?
~ Dun think so.

082. What is your mothers hometown?
~ Somewhere in California.

083. Did you ever go to the same school as your parents?
~ Nope.

084. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
~ 8.

085. Do you eat breakfast daily?
~ Not really. I used to but got out of the habit again.

086. What was the last thing to scare you?
~ Can't think of anything right now.

087. Do you own a Playstation?
~ No.

088. How many times have you brushed your teeth today?
~ Once.

089. What is your usual bedtime?
~ 10 or 11.

090. Do you know who Janice Dickinson is?
~ One of the judges from America's Next Top Model.

091. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
~ Like, 3. I think.

092. Are your days full and fast-paced?
~ Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

093. Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class?
~ When I was younger, yeah.

094. Is there carpet, wood or tile in the room you're currently in?
~ Wood with rugs everywhere.

095. Were you a "planned" child?
~ Yeah.

096. What is your favorite fruit?
~ Oranges, pineapple, peaches, berries of all kinds...

097. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
~ No.

098. What color underwear are you wearing?
~ White.

099. Do you know how to work a cash register?
~ Not really.

100. How much is gas where you live?
~ I haven't checked in a while. 2 something.

101. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
~ Yeah.

102. What time is your curfew?
~ Whenever.

103. Who is your bank account with?
~ NBoA.

104. If you had ONE wish, what would you wish for?
~ A great job here that I loved and made enough money to live on, and set a little aside for rainy days.

105. Do you believe in life on other planets?
~ Yeah. The belief that we're alone in the universe seems very arrogant to me. We're not really that smart, people.

106. What does your mouse pad look like?
~ It's a photo of Santorini that my brother got for my mom when he was in Greece.

107. Have you ever been to geauga lake?
~ No?

108. Who was the last person to piss you off?
~ Dunno.

109. Do you believe that God has a gender?
~ No.

110. What was the last thing you ate?
~ A carrot. YAY I'M HEALTHY. Watch me not mention the brownie belt I had before the carrot.

111. Can others make you cry easily?
~ Depends on who they are and what they say.

112. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
~ Same.

113. What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
~ No clue.

114. How did your parents pick your name?
~ They put together a bunch of first and middle names and went through them every day, saying them out loud, and when I was born, they had eliminated all but one set.

115. Do you like mustard?
~ Yes. Yellow mustard, and some dijon.

116. If you could enter a celebrity's mind, whose would you choose to enter?
~ Uhhh...

117. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
~ "In a hundred years, no one will know the difference."

118. Would you ever sky dive?
~ Probably not.

119. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
~ Side or tummy.

120. What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself?
~ When I was younger, I always thought Atreyu from Neverending Story looked like me. But hmm...someone who is like, the shy, overlooked best friend.

121. Can you pop your knuckles?
~ Sometimes.

122. Do you know what an IP address is?
~ I have a vague idea.

123. Have you ever bid for something on ebay?
~ Nope.

124. What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant?
~ Don't really care.

125. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
~ Yes, to people I like.

127. Would you consider yourself to be fashionable?
~ Nope.

128. What song lyric, if any, is stuck in your head at the moment?
~ "Hey there lonely girl...lonely girl..." I don't know why.

130. Do you own a digital camera?
~ No, I use mom's.

129. If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?
~ Embarrassed, skittery, sad.

130. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
~ Rocky road or mint chocolate chip...

131. What's your favorite color?
~ Green.

132. What celebrities have you been compared to?
~ None.

133. Who is your favorite Star Wars character?
~ Chewie!

134. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
~ Yeah, a little.

135. What books, if any, have made you cry?
~ A lot, I'm sure.

136. Do you think you're attractive?
~ No. "Cute," maybe. Sometimes.

137. What are you allergic to?
~ Dimetapp, Mr. Bubble, metal, dust.

138. Are you a jealous person?
~ Not really. I try not to be.

139. What is your favorite Christmas//winter movie?
~ The Muppet Christmas Carol.

140. Have you memorized your Social Security Number?
~ Yeah.

141. Did you vote in the last election?
~ Yeah.

142. Whats your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
~ Not for everyone.

143. Do you dance?
~ Not in public.

144. Have you ever had the "falling" dream?
~ Yep.

145. Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat?
~ No.

146. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name be?
~ Jeremy. My folks thought I was a boy till I came out. Which sort of makes the story about my name seem odd, but I dunno.

147. Did you ever celebrate "Pi Day"?
~ No.

148. What is the time?
~ 1:30 PM.

149. What generator do you use for your myspace?
~ Who did the what now?

150. Who did you steal this from?
~ Someone I don't know. Sorry, person I don't know!