kokopellinelli: (Legoless)
I almost strangled my dog a couple days ago.

We (Nina and myself) took Summer and Zoe for a walk up Dock Point, which is a nice trail above the harbor. At the top of the hill, there's a boardwalk that takes you to two lookouts over the Port. There is a fence, and on the other side of the fence is a couple feet of ground followed by a near-sheer dropoff of 20 to 40 feet or so.

So of course Summer got around the fence and down the cliff almost immediately.

She didn't fall down, she ran down, and when I looked over I could see how she had done that. However, it was steep enough that she couldn't get back up, so there was my moron dog on a ledge about 5 feet above the water, running back and forth, attempting to get back up. Everytime she tried to climb, she'd slip back down.

There was a tree sticking out the side of the cliff, so I sat on my butt and inched forward, planning to brace myself on the tree, lean over, and grab the scruff of her neck the next time she tried to climb up. I was about halfway to the tree when Nina said, "She's back up here now!" Summer then came up behind me as I was inching backward onto solid ground again and almost pushed me off the cliff.

Nina said later that she'd been thinking, "Crap, Nelli's gonna fall and die and here I am, without a cell phone. I'm gonna have to walk all the way back down to the harbor to call an ambulance, then all the way back up the hill to show them where you were."

I apologised (with considerable sarcasm) for almost ruining her day.

On a cooler note, I drove out Dayville Road earlier that same day and saw a sow and cub brown bear on the side of the road. Oddly, I think it's possibly the first brown bear I've ever seen in this area. I knew they were here, of course, but I usually see blackies.
kokopellinelli: (What You Say?)
Scary Psycho Soccer Mom

Mom accused of driving son to fight boy

What the hell )

This lady has to be seriously messed up to think doing something like this is a good idea. "I think I'll drive Jimmy to beat up Little Petey, then I'll make macaroni for dinner!"
kokopellinelli: (Default)
I really shouldn't be posting from work.

There's a Sam's Club ad that comes on the radio (not one of ours, it rides the satellite) and it makes me grit my teeth every time I hear it. Below is a pretty exact transcript (maybe I left out a few words).

Sam's Club Guy: Blah blah blah blah *says something about John Elway*

John Elway: *says something about his furniture line*

Sam's Club Guy: You can bet they'll be lining up for something and something and John Elway's couch!

John Elway: Not my sofa! My Casual Living furniture collection.

Sam's Club Guy: Well, it's too late to cancel the movers now.

John Elway: Yeah? How 'bout I cancel your FACE??


Me: You FUCKERS, that doesn't make ANY SENSE.
kokopellinelli: (Default)
It's not the whole article I find interesting...only one line...

Miss America drivel underneath the cut )

...*facepalm* Even if she'd gotten it right, does a photographic memory really count as a superpower?
kokopellinelli: (Default)
I'm watching CBS news. There was just a story about a New Jersey woman who tried to participate in a "Shake It Like Shakira" contest in a local bar, and wound up injuring herself. So now she's suing the bar owner, because apparently he should have known that the contest was dangerous.

Yeah, or maybe you should know your own limits, you stupid bint.
kokopellinelli: (Don' Wanna)
Mom's coming home today, so that's exciting.

But I won't see her till tonight. Between now and then, I have to go work on a boat, on a gray, rainy, depressing day, with wind and snow falling on the mountaintops. I kinda hope we don't have a lot of people today, because I really don't want to have to talk to anyone if I can help it.

It's amazing the difference the weather can make in your mood. If it was a little brighter out, or not raining, or raining but with patches of sky between the clouds, or not windy...if any one of those elements were missing from the equation, I might feel better. But, as it is, I have decided I hate people and don't want to be around them anymore.

Our 6-hour trip on the boats takes us to look at Columbia Glacier. Technically, in our brochure, it says "Look at the icebergs of Columbia Glacier." We can usually see the glacier itself (unless it's really foggy) but we can't get close to it. When people make their reservations, the office staff tells them, EACH AND EVERY ONE, that we cannot usually get close to the glacier. Normally, the absolute closest we can get is up to the terminal moraine, about 9 miles from the face. This is because of the massive icebergs that break of the glacier. They float forward and get stuck on the moraine, and then all the smaller ice gets packed behind it. Usually, the forebay is literally a field of ice. It is impassable.

The ticket office TELLS people that. And it's been that way for 24 years.

So why do people whine when we can't get to the face of the glacier? Why do they ask if there are OTHER boats in town that DO get to the face?

Do they not SEE the packed ice from the face all the way to the moraine? Of course we can't get to the face, unless we wanted to get out and walk. And, y'know, good luck with that, Douchebag.

Yesterday, we had like 4 people leave nasty comments in the guestbook. "Waste of money," "very disappointed," and "?? Miles to glacier??" My brother heard one lady saying, "They should tell you that you can't get close to the glacier!"

THEY DO. Is it our fault if you don't listen?
kokopellinelli: (What You Say?)
Today at work, Ryan told myself and Charles an amusing story.

On our 9-hour trip, we serve two meals. The first meal is chicken on rice with alfredo sauce and vegetables. The second is soup, either clam chowder or minestrone.

So, Chip was in the galley, stirring the alfredo sauce in one of the pots we also use to make soup.

Chip: *stir stir*

Random Man: Soup.

Chip: No, sir. It's not soup.

Random Man: SOUP!

Chip: ...No sir. This isn't soup, it's alfredo.

Random Man: *snarls* I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH! *stalks away*
kokopellinelli: (Pink Baby Cthulhu)
I've been meaning to mini-rant about a few things at work that bug me. Yes, it's about customers. Again.

Item 1: In my announcements at the beginning of the trip, I do say that the doors on this particular boat are tricky; some slide open and some push open. I even say, "If you're pulling and pulling on a door, trying to get it to slide, and it doesn't...try pushing on it, because that's been known to work."

So, with that information in mind, when you go to the door by the galley, and you want to get outside, and you are pulling on the door to get it to slide, and it's not sliding...what are your other choices?

A. Pull on it some more.
B. Fiddle with the lock.
C. Stand there and stare at it blankly (straight at the sign above the handle that says "push").
D. Walk away, after deciding you didn't need to get outside to use the head after all.
E. PUSH ON THE BLOODY DOOR.

If you chose any option besides E, I think you've been on the boat before.

Now, sometimes the people who do this are Germans who know no English. That would explain why they didn't understand my announcement and why they couldn't read the sign. I don't know if doors work differently in Germany...maybe they don't have doors that push open. However, as for all the middle-aged Americans who do this, you'd think that by this point in their lives they'd know how to operate a door.

Glacier Cruise? Alaska? Naw, no coat needed. )

Young people. So disrespectful. )

IT'S TIME FOR SOUP NOOOW. )

QUICK, EVERYONE GO 'EEEEE!' )

Whew. Okay, think I'm good for now. At least till someone else comes along and pisses me off.
kokopellinelli: (Pink Baby Cthulhu)
Here there be snark.

The basic story is that a woman left her 19-year-old waitress (who happened to be pregnant) an almost-thousand-dollar tip. Someone posted it in [livejournal.com profile] customers_suck as a "score one for the good guys!" situation. Most people respond with something like "Wow, that was very generous."

Then you get the people who start snarling because "some teenager didn't keep her legs closed and is now getting rewarded for it."

Yeah. Bitter much? Just because it didn't happen to you.

I mean, everyone is entitled to their beliefs. People who don't like or don't want children are fine with me, as long as they're not pushing that disgust on other people. Just because you don't like kids doesn't mean that everyone who DOES like kids or who wants to have kids are "stupid cows," and not all children are "fucking crotchdroppings." And something that REALLY bugs me are people who refer to fetuses as "parasites."

The guy who posted the original comment (that launched a thousand snarks) said something about "Instead of $1000, that girl's tip should have been $1 and a coat hanger." Who says that? Really. They don't know that girl's situation. Maybe she was raped and her beliefs don't allow her to get an abortion. Maybe she used birth control but it didn't work and now she's accepting responsibility for her actions. Isn't that better than just using abortion the same as she might use a condom? Why can't people just be happy for her? Why can't they just accept that the woman who left the tip felt like doing something nice for someone else? Why does it always have to be like "That girl should have killed the parasite and that woman should have given the money to someone who really deserved it."?

Fucking ridiculous.

And just because I'm already pissed off, Here's another [livejournal.com profile] customers_suck post, this time about an absolutely disgusting t-shirt.
kokopellinelli: (Default)
I'm watching America's Funniest Home Videos. Some guy was filming a couple other guys holding a small crayfish. He said "Bob and Jim are trying to decide who's gonna let the crawfish bite 'im first. Ah, looks like it's Jim."

Let me pause here to say Jim lacked a shirt.

Bob held out the crayfish toward Jim and Al the Camera Guy said "Do the nipple!"

The crayfish pinched Jim's nipple. Jim started screaming, dancing around, and flailing, yelling "Get it off, get it off!" The crayfish was still firmly attached to his nipple.

Bob finally managed to pull it off, and he was laughing, and Al was laughing, and Jim was laughing through his tears. The real gold, however, is what comes next.

Jim: THAT WAS THE WORST IDEA EVER!

...

Um...yeah?

HOW MANY BEERS DOES IT TAKE TO THINK LETTING SOMETHING WITH PINCHY CLAWS NEAR YOUR NIPPLE IS A GOOD IDEA?
kokopellinelli: (Default)
HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Text under cut...*snicker* )

First person to make a "spit or swallow" joke will get their ass kicked.
kokopellinelli: (Default)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHH.

Text under cut )

This would piss me off, but it's so goddamn ridiculous that all I can do is wonder what has happened to the brains of some of these people.

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