kokopellinelli: (Dean WTF Face)

There are no words.

Text under cut, for the link-phobic )

These people are RUINING their child. Hell, probably have already ruined her beyond repair. I don't feel sorry for them, because they've done it to themselves. But I feel sorry for their daughters. Both of them.


Also, designer pacifiers? REALLY? They're just gonna get covered in baby spit! What the hell's the point??
kokopellinelli: (Default)
This link was sent to me by my boss.

Some of these are pretty creepy, all right.

Be sure to enlarge and read the copy on the Lysol ad. Your husband loves you so it's your fault your marriage is suffering...if only you'd doused your womanly areas with clean-smelling, non-caustic concentrated Lysol! Silly woman. Now go make me a sandwich.
kokopellinelli: (Default)
I dreamt last night that I was watching the movie Xanadu. This might not be so unusual except I've never seen Xanadu and had no idea what it was about, and, after reading the blurb on imdb, it's not the movie I watched after all.

I know that's confusing, but bear with me.

All I'd heard about Xanadu was "It was made a long time ago and it has something to do with roller skates." My brain translated that into "It was made in the 60s and involves teenagers and zombies." Okay, then.

At the start of my dream, I was going to watch the movie, but as soon as it started, I was actually IN the movie and it wasn't a movie any more but reality. There were a bunch of teenagers in a huge abandoned house (or rather, a bunch of 20-somethings playing teenagers) and we were having a party.

Somehow, we all split off into smaller groups of 2 or 3 and I wandered off my myself (NEVER DO THAT IN A HORROR MOVIE). People started being found broken in half and stuffed in chests. The house was quiet. I came across a girl with long brown hair who introduced herself as Megan. We started chatting and became friendly. At one point, we were in the bathroom, talking and fixing our hair in the mirror. We'd left the bathroom door open.

One of the other houseguests, a girl, suddenly danced into view across the room outside the bathroom door. I say "danced," but it was really a gruesome parody of a dance; she looked like a huge puppet. Her arms were up and her legs were flailing, her head was lolling back on her neck. There was no music.

I stared at her, disconcerted, and Megan turned around and looked at her too. The dancing girl started coming closer, and Megan turned back to look in the mirror. She screamed.

Reflected in the mirror, the girl wasn't a girl, but a woman in her 40s. Her eyes were milky and she was staring at us. Megan whispered, "Mom?"

Megan had explained to me that her mom had died a couple weeks before. She spun around and asked the dancing girl, "Who are you?"

The girl stepped into the shower and turned on the water. It beat down upon her hair and face and she said, "Megan dear, I'm your mommy! See how young..." she tossed her hair "...and beautiful I am now?"

"You're not my mom!" Megan exclaimed. I don't know where I was for all this...presumably huddled under the counter in a fetal position.

"Of course I am. In the hospital, I drank her blood. Now we think with the same brain!"

At this point in the dream, I said, "THIS MOVIE IS RIDICULOUS."

Megan tried to leave the bathroom, but there were two zombies in suits in the room. They were on the other side of the room and didn't seem to be moving very fast. Truth be told, I was more freaked out about the dancing girl, even if I thought her claim of being able to share a brain after drinking someone's blood was bogus.

About that time, I had to pee, so I woke up. I was a little disappointed that there weren't any rollerskates in my dream.
kokopellinelli: (Abandon All Hope)
I read this article a couple weeks ago, and all I can say is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH.

Huge Sea Worm Captured in Britain.

Guys, I'm pasting the text under a cut, but you need to click that link. The picture they have there of "Barry" will scar you for life, I'm not joking.

For the wussies who don't want to see Barry in all his creepy-ass glory... )

Sweet dreams! :D
kokopellinelli: (Abandon All Hope)
I dreamt last night, but once again I've put off writing about it for so long most of the dream has flown from my head.

I do remember walking on a road through the woods with several other people. We were friends in the dream but I think they were based on movie characters or something. It was dark and we carried rifles, hockey sticks, and plastic bags. It was nighttime.

Ahead of us, some dark shapes ran across the road and there was howling.


We'd run into a couple wolves earlier in the dream, but they had been relatively friendly and helpful. We didn't think these other wolves would be so helpful; it seemed they were hunting us.

So of course, all my "smart" dream companions melted into the woods to try and get the wolves before they got us. I was left to guard two younger people out on the road...in plain sight...and only a moon to see by.

Suddenly, a wolf materialised in front of us. Now, these wolves were not like actual wolves. They were people. Not exactly like were-wolves, the ones in the dream weren't dependant on the moon to be animals. They could talk and looked human, but were otherwise completely wolfy.

And the one in front of us looked like a guy I knew in high school.

Even as a wolf trying to kill us, I liked the dream version better than the real one.

Anyway, so this wolf leader was suddenly in front of me and my charges. One of them was holding a hockey stick, the other had the garbage bags. I held the rifle.

The wolf stared at us.

I raised the rifle and cocked it. "I don't think you want to come any closer."

The wolf raised his eyebrows. "Do you really think that thing can stop me before I kill you?"

"Maybe not," I replied. "But it'll sure sting."

He paused and looked at us, all three shaking in our boots. Then he laughed.

He said, "Keep going about another mile and you'll find what you seek."

For some reason, my companion offered the wolf a plastic bag, which he took gravely.

He tossed back his head and howled, then slipped back into the woods. We could hear the rest of the wolves howling and then only many footsteps until they faded from our hearing.

I never figured out where we were going or if my other companions came out of the woods alive, because suddenly...

I was in kind of a Princess Bride situation. That is, I'd been kidnapped by a short bald man and a giant, and another man who I never got a good look at. Presumably, he was a swordfighting Spaniard.

I had tried to escape several times, including once where I put myself in a giant hamster ball and used a catapult, but they always found me and brought me back. The last time, they took my shoes so I couldn't run off again.

Somehow, I managed to slip out the basement door when no one was looking and was halfway across the field when they figured out I was gone. I heard shouting behind me; it was the Vezzini character (who actually looked more like Danny Devito than Wallace Shawn).

Anyway, I'm not athletic or anything, but I'm still faster than Danny Devito.

So I sprinted across this field, into a thin line of trees, and came out in another field, which was right next to a highway.

As I booked it toward the road, I saw my mom and Summer on the grass. Mom was talking to an old lady who was trying to sell her apples while Sum ran around like a lunatic. I ran toward them, screaming at mom to grab Summer and get in the car and GET OUT OF THERE!

She grabbed hold of the dog and stared at me as I raced by. I reached the road at a break in traffic and ran right across.

On the other side of the highway, there was a little dropoff. Also, the terrain changed from field and forest to more like Alaskan interior. It was rocky and hilly but with very little vegetation, and nothing big enough to hid behind.

Luckily, Danny was apparently not smart enough to figure out that all he'd have to do was cross the road to find me.

I crouched down in the ditch and scurried along the side of the road, poking my head up every now and then to see if my pursuer was still there. I saw him trudging back across the field, but I still kept my head down as I moved.

At one point, I came across a busted-open suitcase. As my own clothes were torn and wet and dirty and quite recognizable, I took the opportunity to change into some khakis and a long-sleeved shirt. There was a jacket in the suitcase and a pair of sneakers, too. Yay! I remember thinking I had a long way to walk and that I had to head off across the wilderness, so I'd better get to it!

I never did find out their precise reason for kidnapping me. I wasn't engaged to a prince or anything, so killing me wouldn't have started a war or anything.
kokopellinelli: (Receive Bacon)
So I had this dream last night about a giant carnivorous pinniped. I was going to a school (I don't know why, I wasn't a student...I think I worked there) and there were, of course, snow banks all around. It was dark, and I was walking.

I heard a noise to my left, and I glanced over, and coming (very swiftly) down a snowbank were two sea lions. I noticed them a split second before I noticed they were following in the wake of something HUGE. Now, sea lions are not exactly petit, but this thing dwarfed them. It was another of their sort, but didn't have the right coloring to be a sea lion. It was about the size of an elephant seal, but lacked the huge shnozz.

So, here's the thing. Of all the animals that I've seen when I've been out on the boats, sea lions are the ones I would LEAST like to be in the water with. Their eyes are fathomless, and you just know they would absolutely not hesitate to rip you to shreds if they felt like it. Not that they'd eat a person, but they could do some damage, even if they were just trying to play.

Anyway, I saw these three pinnipeds slip-sliding down the hill, and just as I saw the Big One, the Big One saw me. I knew without a doubt that this was no ordinary critter. This one had some sort of crazy blood lust on it. I took off running toward another snow hill. The school was just on the other side. I knew this thing could beat me running on a flat surface, but I hoped that I could climb a little faster on snow. Not to mention, I was quite a bit closer to the hill.

I could hear it running after me.

They don't move all that quickly or gracefully, normally. But this one was coming fast. I didn't dare look back.

I crested the hill and literally fell down the other side (didn't drop my bag. Was very proud). I sprinted toward the doors of the school, screaming. I wrenched open the double door, hurtled through it, and smack-dab into the principal of the school.

The door closed just before five and a half tons of killer sea mammal smashed into it at full speed. For some reason, the glass didn't break. The Big One "stalked" back and forth in front of the doors, making sounds like a banshee.

And apparently, though there was already some sort of SWAT team in the school, they were unequipped to deal with the thing, so they just stood there.

Later on in the dream, as I was talking to one of my coworkers at the school, I learned that very few of them actually believed my story (even though I had WITNESSES, DAMMIT!) Then she said she wondered if my pursuer was responsible for the death of one of the kids in the school, who had apparently been found decapitated in the parking lot, and his head long gone.

Okay, is that not FREAKY?

I went back to the doors to see if it was still there, and saw only its backside as it ambled out of sight. Never found out what happened to it (or its sea lion companions, who I figured were like henchmen).
kokopellinelli: (Default)
Last night I had nightmare. It didn't start out as one.

I was walking with Nina (who was a combination of Becky and Keely as well) and Summer and Zoe (Ni's dog). We were walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood...looked like it was somewhere down south. There were no mountains to be seen.

We found a tunnel, and for some reason, took off our shoes and crawled into it. We left the dogs at the entrance. We came out into a house.

It was a nice house. Very clean, lots of windows with sunlight streaming through. The furniture was white-washed and beachy-looking. It was dreamlike in that house, and completely silent.

We walked through the house, peering into rooms. We found ourselves in a child's room. It was bright and spotless. The bed was made, there were teddy bears lining one wall. It was a perfectly lovely room.

I started getting the heebie jeebies.

It was too, too perfect. And completely silent still.

Across the hall was another child's room.

Somehow I knew that no children occupied those rooms. Somehow I knew that whoever lived in the house had killed those children, as well as any else they came across.

I opened a door and peered down the hallway. It was not bright and clean like the rest of the house. It was dark and dusty, with unpolished wood floors that echoed and creaked.

I could hear music. There was a gramophone, and it was playing staticky 20s music. I realized that, though the house was completely silent, the music had also been playing all along.

I told Nina I wanted to leave. We found an open window that led to a balcony. The balcony had a ladder to ground level.

Summer and Zoe were waiting for us across the street with our shoes. As we put them on our feet, I heard the music again. It was coming closer. Down the street, a black Lincoln approached us, and the music grew ever louder. We started to run.

Every time we slowed down, we could hear the music again, always coming closer.

My heart was still beating hard when I woke up.
kokopellinelli: (Don' Wanna)


I went on a boat trip to Whittier. Now, on the Glacier Spirit, Whittier is about a 5-hour trip, if we just deadhead it. With passengers, of course, we're stopping at Columbia Glacier and Bullhead and Lake Bay and to look at whales and what have you, so it's usually about 7-8 hours.

Yesterday, we had 30 glaciologists on board, and a slightly different itinerary. We left the dock at 7 am, went to Columbia (and got all the way to the face), went to Bullhead to look at sea lions (and then found a couple big humpbacks nearby), went to Lake Bay to look at the hatchery (and some guy zoomed by on a speedboat and mooned us), then we went into a place called Blackstone Bay to look at several glaciers and really lovely waterfalls back there.

Now, according to the weather report, yesterday morning was supposed to be pretty nice on the water -not sunny, but not icky- and then in the afternoon the wind was supposed to pick up, blow 30 knots out of the SE, and pick up some 7-footers from the Gulf as well.

Around here, that is not a fun time.

Anyway, as we were heading out of Blackstone, we were going into the wind, and it was providing some chop. At the mouth of the bay, we made a lefthand turn to keep heading to Whittier, and that put the wind at our back, so it was pretty smooth till we got to Whittier.

That's where it got scary. We were pretty much on time (supposed to be there around 6:30 or 7), but the dock that we normally use was uh...unavailable.

That is to say, it was there, and it was empty, but the waves were going over it. The waves themselves weren't ENORMOUS, like 3-footers, but with the wind blowing however the hell fast it was blowing and the rain literally going sideways, docking there would have been difficult, and then our passengers would have gotten soaked from about the thighs down when they got off the boat.

Cap'n Chris called some people in Whittier while we sat out in the chop and they told him where to go to dock a little easier, so we slipped around the first dock and went to another little finger at the end of a pier. A guy was there waiting for us, so Chris eased the boat into the slip and I tossed him the spring and we got the boat tied up fairly easily.

We offloaded everyone, and they tipped us and said they hoped we had a safe trip back. When we left the dock again, we were all SOAKED. The backs of John's pants were plastered to his skin, and Susan and I weren't much better. I was the only one who'd thought to bring an extra pair of clothing, so I put on my dry jeans and let Susan wear my dry shirt since my other shirt was dry anyway.

Chris said it was a good thing no one had been looking at his hands as he docked, because they were shaking so badly. It was really scary.

Then, we headed back. It was getting dark, and then factor in the wind and sideways rain and it was just kind of freaky. John drove for a while so Chris could nap. I tried to sleep, but kept getting rolled around.

At one point, I was lying under a bench and I felt the boat slow down, and we hit some really big waves. I figured I should get up and look out, because when I start feeling queasy it helps to look outside and fix my eyes on a steady point.

Only problem was there wasn't any steady point to look at. It was pitch black out. We did have a spotlight on the bow, and that illuminated the waves as they crested, so I looked at those. I was getting a little dizzy, but then they turned the boat and we zipped into Glacier Passage and I was able to go back and lay down, because it's calm back there.

We got back to the dock at around midnight-thirty. By 1, I was home and in bed, and it felt so good. Oy.

I was supposed to go out on a 6-hour today (a charter for a group of tax accountants...you know that would have been stimulating), but it's pretty crappy out there. Foggy, nasty, pouring rain...so the trip was cancelled, and I'm glad.

I'll be spending a couple nights at [livejournal.com profile] getting_weary's house while she and her husband are in Anchorage, so I probably won't be online a lot.

October 2011

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