kokopellinelli: (Serious)
Got a couple articles for you today. I'll do the sad one first.

This guy spent his day beating a toddler. He slapped him, slammed his head against the floor, shook him, put a lot of pressure on his chest, then when the child started seizing up, the guy thought he was choking and tried to pry his mouth open with a can opener. Guys, I don't know what's wrong with the world.

Text under cut )


This article is considerably more amusing, though not entirely so...it is, after all, about stealing candy from a baby. Well, several babies. And when I say 'babies,' I mean kids. Still, what kind of idiot do you have to be to steal candy from children on Halloween? AT GUNPOINT? IN TALKEETNA?

This kind.

Text again. )

Well, of COURSE you're going to grow up crazy, if you have the last name Butts. All of those scars left over from middle school...that's what made her rob the children!

Still, these ladies could get 180 years in prison for stealing candy, while the jackass above them can only get 30 years for almost killing a toddler? Seem odd to anyone else?
kokopellinelli: (Ardeth Bay)
Went to my coworker Sarah's house tonight for a bit of an impromptu Halloween party. I didn't have a costume in mind so I looked up "quick and easy costume" on Google and it came up with "Static Cling." So I safety-pinned a bunch of socks and dryer sheets and a pair of undies to my clothes and mussed my hair up nice and staticky. It worked.

We played a drinking game called "I've Never." Predictably, I was the soberest person there. I'm so boring. But I did have my first-ever jello shots. They burned.

And when I got home a couple minutes ago, it was to find that Summer had found the loaf of french bread I'd so carelessly left on the counter (encased in a Ziploc) instead of hiding it in the branches of the tallest tree on top of the highest mountain across the deepest ocean, as I obviously should have.

Huh. Live and learn.

And Oded Fehr so I have pleasant jello-y dreams.
kokopellinelli: (Default)
Got a late call today. Waterford called at 7:45 and told me one of their 5th grade teachers had been in but had gone home sick and could I please get there as quickly as possible. So I did.

The day was crazy, because 1) Mondays are D.A.R.E. days, 2) they were having a Storybook Parade in the afternoon, and 3) I didn't get to the school until right after the first bell rang, so I didn't have time to go over the lesson plans or anything.

The upper grades at this school switch classrooms for certain subjects, so I had 3 Social Studies classes. We went over their worksheets. One of the sheets was a wordsearch, and the kids were supposed to answer 6 questions to find out the words they needed to look for, then find them in the search. Clue number one was "Two spices used in the medieval ages to preserve food." The answer is pepper and cloves. In the search, the word "cloves" was backward.

Clue number six was "The science of determining a ship's direction and location." After I collected the papers, I saw that one kid hadn't finished figuring out the words, but he HAD circled all the words in the wordsearch, presumably by copying someone else. Next to number six, he had written, "Sevolc."

One kid...I wanted to kill him. The entire day, I was like "SHITHEAD*! Stop talking. SHITHEAD! Turn around! SHITHEAD! Stop kicking Quiet Girl* under the table!"

Also, I saw the twins today. I didn't talk to Twin 1, but Twin 2 asked me if I was going to help him with his math or reading today, and he gave me a big hug. He's the sweetest kid ever. He was dressed as some sort of military police, I think, and told me that next year he was going to be a "scary ghost."

Anyway. YAY it's almost dinnertime!

*Not their real names
kokopellinelli: (Default)
Speaking of Halloween, I don't think I've ever posted this story (and if I have, I didn't put it in my memories, so I can't find it, so I'm posting it again).

This happened a couple years ago when I lived in the apartment in Ashland with Keels and Nina. The way our apartment was set up, you walked in through the front door, and you could either go down a hallway to our bedroom or you could go up the stairs to the living room, kitchen, and Nina's room. Immediately outside our front door was an alcove, along with all mailboxes for all 4 of the apartments. I should also note that our immediate neighbors were party animals.

I kept the bowl of candy at the bottom of the stairs. Whenever the doorbell rang, I would jog down and answer the door, hand out candy, then jog back up the stairs so I could watch TV with the girls instead of just languishing in the dark downstairs hallway.

We'd gotten a few 'treaters when this happened. The doorbell rang. I jogged down and answered the door. A teenage girl in a cape and devil horns was crouching beneath the mailboxes, talking on her cell phone. She glanced at me and waved me away. Bemused, I closed the door and went back up the stairs. As soon as I reached the top, the bell rang again.

Keely and Nina looked at me with raised brows. I frowned and went back down the damn stairs.

This time when I opened the door, the girl was standing right outside. And quite obviously toasted.

Girl: Hi! I'm Chantal, Bri's sister! Omg I went to this house and they gave me a WHOLE Snickers bar! ISN'T THAT COOL?? *steps into my foyer*

Me: *stands there in my gypsy skirts, holding a bowl of candy, thinking wtf?*

Girl: And usually I get down on my knees when I trick or treat because sometimes people don't like to give out candy to older people (note: she was maybe 16). But I went to this one house and I got a whole Snickers bar, and it's one of the king-size ones! And I didn't even have to pretend to be little! It was SO COOL! Don't you think that it's COOL?

Me: Uhh...yeah?

Girl: *smiles at me expectantly*

Me: Um...would you like some candy? *thrusts out the bowl in front of me like a shield*

Girl: *gets teary-eyed (I'm not kidding)* OMG THAT IS SO NICE OF YOU!! OH, YOU'RE NICE! I'll only have one. *daintily picks out a single mini Reeses cup* *keeps standing there*

Me: Would you uh...like more?

Girl: No, that's okay. Thank you.

Me: *still has the door open, still holding the bowl in front of me, still wears a worried expression*

Keely and Nina: *have not said anything this whole time...or coughed...or sneezed...or moved...or breathed*

Girl: *still staring*

Me: *still confused*

Door: *still open*

Girl: Soooo...where is everybody?

Me: Um...my...roommates are upstairs...

Girl's Brainbulb: *ping!*

Girl: Isn't this Bri's house?

Me: Not...that I know of...

Girl: OMG I'M IN THE WRONG HOUSE!

Me: *relieved* Ha! Ha ha! Oh! You must be looking for next door.

Girl: OMG I'M SO SORRY! SO SORRY! *backs out the door and stumbles away*

Door: *closes*

Me: *sighs*

Keely and Nina: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: Next time someone ELSE is answering the door!
kokopellinelli: (Default)
Well, once again, our Halloween candy-handing-out score was disappointing. Keels and I went to Justin's (since he's on a main street and his living room is on ground level). Keels dressed as a gypsy (gorgeous, as usual) and I was Bloody Nell, the Ghettoest Pirate, Scourge of uh...Cheese...

Anyway.

Our first 'Treaters were two little fairies, the youngest was probably 3 or 4. I opened the door and the older one said "Trick or treat!" while the younger one pushed past me and walked into the living room. I said, "Hi!" and her mom, who was on the walk in front of the house, cried "Oh no no no, sweetie!" and ran up the steps. She pulled the little girl back onto the porch and explained that it was her first time trick or treating.

The little girl was SO CUTE. We laughed.

Then Keely opened the door to the Grim Reaper and...some 13-year-old dressed as NOTHING except a 13-year-old, then I opened the door to Jason and...someone...and then, about an hour and a half later, Keels opened the door for two teenage girls dressed (we're guessing) as Britney Spears.

And that was it. I even gave myself a lipstick cut on my cheek and a blue eyeshadow black eye! Though Jason and uh...someone's mom did call from the sidewalk, "I like your costume!"

By the way, we did get pictures of both of us, but it depends on how they turn out and whether you-all are nice to me if I post them or not.
kokopellinelli: (Default)
Hey, guys. I came across this link and, while I can't see myself taking part, I thought it sounded very interesting and fun, and some of you might be interested. Just passing the word.

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